英语笑话小组
我干得怎么样 How did I do
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that !" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"
一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人,于是他们开车去了那条街,看到路口站着一群人。
新警察摇下窗户:“大家注意了,快离开这里。”人们看了他几眼,没理他。他喊起来:“离开这里,马上离开!”大家都不知道怎么回事,但是在他的'威胁下还是离开了。
新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意,对老警察说:“我干得怎么样?”“你做得很好,”老警察笑着说,“尤其是在公共汽车站。”
因祸得福 To Profit from a Misfortune
A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.
At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.
The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."
有一个人很粗心,老是打烂东西。他已失业好几个月了。
最后他在一个瓷器店找到了一个工作。可是才干了几天,他就打烂了一个很大的花瓶。
经理把他到办公室去,告诉他每个星期都要扣他的工钱,直到赔偿够了为止。他就问:“那个花瓶值多少钱?”经理说:“值500美元。”他很高兴地说:“啊!太妙了,我非常高兴,终于有个稳定的工作啦。”
太晚了 It's Too Late
A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."
A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."
一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道:“五粒。”
一分钟后,这个学生问教授:“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表,说:“太晚啦,你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。”
聪明的老太太 The smart Old Lady
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'
The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'
'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'
'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'
一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员:“这东西要多少钱?”
“七美元,太太,这是很便宜的。”
老太太说:“太贵了,十四美元差不多。”
店员忙说:“我没说十七美元,是七美元。”
“还是太贵,”老太太说:“五美元,我就买啦。”
-
幽默笑话的眼光很到位
1、今天刚买了新车国产的比亚迪,很高兴开车瞎逛,口渴就停路边买水看见一个乞丐就想说发发慈悲给他一块钱,这时突然听到有人说有交警超牌了!没想到这乞丐比我还快的朝着一辆本田冲过去和交警说对不起阿大哥我马上开走,看到这一幕我凌乱了!2、刚洗吹完头发的时候撩着...
-
爆笑小笑话大全锦集
从前有一个人叫肯德基,他走到哪里,都会有一个叫麦当佬的人如影随形。后来人们就用基佬来形容这种亲密无间的关系。更多小笑话尽在应届毕业生笑话网。伤不起啊街上看见很多人围在一起,就凑了上去看热闹,低头看见自己鞋带松了,蹲下去系。结果站在我前面的老大爷屁股嘭...
-
宅男宅女冷笑话经典
宅男宅女冷笑话经典推荐,史上最经典的冷笑话,宅男宅女必看的笑话,赶紧收藏吧。1.再来四次大姨妈,就放寒假了。今天看到这句话,我觉得我整个世界都亮了!!2.一日,姐在寝室恶狠狠的说:等我找到男朋友,我第一件事就是抽他俩嘴巴!!大家很惊讶,问缘由。姐答:我得问问,这些年你他...
-
开心幽默小笑话
经典幽默小笑话1、老李坐在家门口乘凉,看着高速公路从从村里的田里穿过,气势壮观。一会他看见开过来一辆车,在路边停下,下来一个人,在路边挖了一个坑,然后回到车里。过了一会,车上下来另一个人,把坑又填上了。车子向前走了一段距离,那个人又下来挖了个坑,过一会,又是另一...